Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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