you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
