After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's get the cat blown out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
