Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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