My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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