what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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