I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
And then he peed in my hair
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