if i can run in heels then i can drive
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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