she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
