He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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