i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
