I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
