Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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