Define "chronic" masturbator.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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