Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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