she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
