i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
