I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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