We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
