He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
