and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
