so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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