Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
