The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
