Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
