I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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