Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
