I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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