There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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