I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
