He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
