Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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