Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We had sex on a dog bed..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
