i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
