I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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