so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
