Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she told me i tasted like america
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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