I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
