I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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