turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
