I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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