The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
