Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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