worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
