She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
