Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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