Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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