i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
