if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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