I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
