she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
