She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
