I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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