I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I currently don't understand fingers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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