very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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