Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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