I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
