Sry I called you an 8
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
