I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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