You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
