I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
