It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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