Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
