Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
