She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
