Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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