I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That's how pantless uber rides happen