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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm not a mortal combat character

  (410): View more from Maryland

  but my vagina is

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (914): View more from New York

  you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  That's because you are an idiot.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested

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• (713): View more from Texas

  She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon

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• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (607): View more from New York

  Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.

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• (916): View more from California

  He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's how pantless uber rides happen

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