We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married