I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
