there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
