I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
